HOW long do you wait before doing the deed?
The old three-date rule seems to be fading fast, with two-thirds of people now admitting to getting busy on a first night.
A third still avoid intimacy on the first date, a survey by dating app Happn revealed[/caption]
But not everyone is throwing caution – and their clothes – to the wind.
A third still avoid intimacy on the first date, a survey by dating app Happn says, “often due to safety worries or fear of being judged as easy”.
Here, five Sun readers reveal their magic number.
- Some names have been changed.
NORA, 22 TUTOR – 10 months
TUTOR Nora Tveraag, 22, lives in Hendon, North London, and waits at least ten months before sleeping with a new boyfriend.
She says: “PEOPLE may call me old- fashioned, but I don’t think I am. I’m savvy.
Nora Tveraag, 22, lives in Hendon, North London, and waits at least ten months before sleeping with a new boyfriend[/caption]
Making a guy wait before we do the deed is my way of finding out if my date is serious about me.
My general rule is to wait until we’ve been dating for at least ten months.
Many people consider it extreme, but waiting that long means we really know each other.
I’ve never slept with someone on a first date.
I’ve seen friends who have and then been ghosted afterwards – and left traumatised.
For me, if a partner is willing to wait then it means they respect you – plus the sex is better.
When I stick to my decision, you can see the shift.
They try to act understanding, but then they start holding a grudge.
That’s a red flag to me – it shows we’re not right for each other.
Some have assumed I was joking. Others have actually stormed off in shock.
The only time I broke my rule was with someone I had been in a long-distance relationship with for more than ten months.
We finally went on a weekend break together and by that point, it had been almost a year of texts, phone calls and developing an emotional connection.
I felt safe and respected – I could be honest – and that made all the difference. My one-year rule protects me.
You can learn a lot about a person by waiting.
If they really are unable to wait then they’re not Mr Right.”
CRAIG, 45 COMPANY DIRECTOR – 1 date
COMPANY DIRECTOR Craig Ian McAlpine, 45, who is single, does not like to wait.
He says: “I DON’T have time for endless first dates, so it’s important to me that there’s something there – good chat, a bit of flirtation.
I can usually get a sense of that early on.
Craig Ian McAlpine, 45, who is single, does not like to wait[/caption]
I can’t stand dull first dates. They feel like a waste of time.
I enjoy the buzz of meeting someone new, but I don’t want to message loads and know everything before we’ve met.
I generally meet women on apps and get a lot of attention on them.
I’m a passionate person – the physical side matters to me, so if there’s chemistry I like to pursue that early on.
That often means sex on the first date. It’s also a big gauge for me.
I want a woman who’s sexual and confident.
If that energy’s not there from the start, I probably wouldn’t go on a second date.
I’m also quite impatient. I follow my heart and gut, and I’m not a fan of waiting.
Most of my best relationships started with instant chemistry and great sex – the kind where you’re inseparable from the get-go.
My horror stories? Girls who didn’t quite look like their profile pictures…or who got weirdly intense without much encouragement from me.”
MARIA, 27 FASHION DESIGNER – 1 date
FASHION designer Maria Georgia, 27, from Manchester, was single for five years before she met her partner six months ago.
She says: “I’M flirty, open, confident and know what I want – so I don’t feel the need to wait, especially if I might not see them again.
Maria Georgia, 27, from Manchester, was single for five years before she met her partner six months ago[/caption]
I’ve never used dating apps – I meet people face-to-face, usually while I’m out after work or travelling.
I’ll chat to someone and if there’s a spark, I’ll give them my number or Instagram.
That said, I still like effort – a bit of flirty build-up, dinner at a nice hotel or their place.
I met my partner on Valentine’s Day.
My friend went home and I stayed out, hoping to bump into a beardy hunk – and I did.
The following week he booked a fancy Italian restaurant and a cocktail bar – he even helped pick my outfit and my underwear.
I love a masculine guy who takes charge.
On our date, we played pool and karaoke and the chemistry was electric. I ended up calling in sick to work so I could fully enjoy the night.
Six months on and we’re still going strong. For me, sexual chemistry on the first date matters.
It’s not about when you have sex, but who it’s with. Waiting doesn’t guarantee anything. Be honest about what you want, no one gets hurt.”
KOFI, 35 PERSONAL TRAINER – 3 dates
PERSONAL trainer Kofi Johnson, 33, from Bristol, who is in a three-year relationship, prefers to wait.
He says: “WOMEN probably expect most men to want sex on the first date – but actually, my preference is to wait.
Kofi Johnson, 33, from Bristol, who is in a three-year relationship, prefers to wait[/caption]
Maybe I’m the exception to the rule, but if I really like someone I don’t want to rush it. I’d rather get to know them first.
For me, the excitement is in the build-up and the mystery.
In the past, when I’ve jumped into bed too soon, it has then fizzled out quickly.
Sure, it felt good in the moment, but I’ve often regretted it later.
Generally, I wait around three dates before having sex – sometimes longer.
It really depends on the woman and how we are both feeling.
I’ve had women who were ready to have sex on the first date, and they were surprised when I politely declined.
Some have even laughed, assuming that I was joking – then looked confused when they realised I wasn’t.
But as the old saying goes, “the best things come, ahem, to those who wait”.
RUBY, 24 TRAVEL AGENT -3 dates
TRAVEL AGENT Ruby Barnes, 24, from Oxford, who is single, says she changes her rules depending on the person.
She says: “IF I go on a date with someone and I’m physically attracted to them, I don’t have a strict rule against sleeping with them on the first date.
For me, it’s not really about timing – it’s more about trust.
Ruby Barnes, 24, from Oxford, who is single, says she changes her rules depending on the pers[/caption]
I need to feel safe and comfortable, like I can be honest and vulnerable, and that the other person would respect my boundaries if I changed my mind. That’sso important.
That said, if I feel like there’s potential for something more long-term, I usually take things a bit slower.
It’s not about playing games or following a specific rule, but sometimes I naturally hold back a little more – maybe because I’m thinking about the bigger picture.
In those situations, I’ll generally go with the three-date rule, just to build a stronger connection first.
That’s also to protect myself – I don’t want to sleep with someone I really like just for them to turn around and not be interested.
I think women can get more emotionally attached sometimes.
At the moment, I’m going on one date a week or so to meet someone special.
But I’m in no rush. I will stay single until I find the right person. I was in a relationship for almost six years before so now it’s my time to have some fun and enjoy myself.”