WALKING into her bedroom, Maria Bello winced at the sight of clothes spilling out of her wardrobe door.
It wasn’t the mess that upset her – it was the fact many of them still had their tags on.
Maria Bello blew £6,000 doom spending[/caption]
The high of buying them had gone and now she was just left with a mountain of clothes she didn’t want and £6,000 of debt.
The now-41 year-old from Colchester, who was working as a reservation agent for a hotel chain in London in 2008, said: “I had a decent wage, had just come out of a nasty break-up, and I wanted attention.
“Every weekend I’d take myself shopping.
“My wardrobe was overflowing, most of which never got worn.”
“At the time, I felt sheer happiness. I wasn’t buying online, it was all in person, and it gave me a rush.”
Spending was always an emotional event for Maria.
“London catered for curvy women in a way Italy didn’t,” she said.
“It was liberating – I could finally wear what I wanted – but I was also trying to forget unhappy memories from home.”
As a child in Italy, she blew her pocket money on sweets and stickers as a release from her parents tight grip on the purse strings.
She said: “As soon as I had any pocket money, I’d go spend it straight away.”
It made her feel like she fitted in with her friends and gave her a sense of control, it was the beginning of a habit that would escalate into spending thousands of pounds on clothes she didn’t wear when she grew up and moved to London.
Maria isn’t alone in using spending to cope with stress or sadness – a habit known as doom spending.
A recent IPSOS survey found that 49% of us are doom spenders, regularly buying small treats to cheer ourselves up.
The high of buying kept Maria spending.
“When she got her first credit card the spending increased,” she said.
“That’s when it spiralled. I didn’t tell my husband or mum.
“When burnout hit and I was on statutory sick pay, I suddenly couldn’t keep up with repayments. I had to tell them. That was the low point.”
In total, Maria realised she’d spend £6,000 on doom spending.
“When we’re feeling low, stressed or overwhelmed, spending money can give us a quick emotional boost,” says money mindset expert Lauren Malone.
“Shopping triggers the brains reward system, releasing feel-good chemicals like dopamine.
“Over time, our brains can start to associate spending with relief and comfort – turning it into a habit that’s hard to break, especially during tough times.”
Even after she couldn’t pay her bills, it took Maria years to stop doom spending.
“It was a gradual shift,” she said,
“Pursuing my lifelong dream of working in fashion was the first step”, then came a spiritual awakening in 2020, and the birth of her daughter in 2021, “which was the catalyst that made me stop.”
Becoming a Mum led Maria into an identity crisis.
“I remember opening my wardrobe and feeling nauseated by the amount of colour and glitter I had stuffed in it,” she said.
“I sold everything and then bought loads more clothes. When they arrived and I looked at them, I was horrified.
“I had let my emotions take me for a ride. I wasn’t in debt, but I had burned through my savings.
“That’s when I decide it was time to end it for good.”
She believes doom spending is especially common among women because many are taught from a young age to link their worth to how they look and what they own.
“Life changes and the social media comparison trap can leave us feeling disconnected from who we are,” she says.
“Spending feels like a quick fix to regain confidence or control.”
How to stop doom spending
So, are you a doom spender?
If you shop on impluse or click links without really thinking, you may well be an emotional spender, according to Simonne Gnessen, the founder of Wise Monkey Financial Coaching.
“When there’s a mismatch between what you’re spending and how you feel about it afterwards, like a dopamine hit in the moment, but a feeling of guilt or regret later or when it arrives.”
Look at when you shop. Is it late at night, as a reaction to the news or after a stressful day? Are you shopping as a response to emotional discomfort or overwhelm?
If this sounds like you then there are simple steps to help break your cycle of doom spending.
Firstly, pause before you buy.
Wait 24 hours before hitting the check out with any non-essential purchases.
You may find the urge passes. Also, make it harder to spend – delete your card details from shopping sites and clear your browsing history and cookies.
That way you won’t be able to make one-click purchases mindlessly.
Know your card details off by heart? Simonne suggests reporting your card as lost and getting a new one with new details that you don’t know.
Secondly, track your triggers. Make a note of how you feel or the situation you are in when you get the urge to shop.
“Emotionally, I’d always suggest curiosity over criticism,” says Simonne.
“If you catch yourself spending, check in with yourself emotionally – ‘what am I feeling in this moment?’, ‘what do I want to feel?’, ‘how else could I meet that need?’”
Thirdly, make feel-good swaps. “Replace spending with healthier rewards like a walk, a chat with a friend or a hobby you enjoy,” says Lauren.
“Small changes can make a big difference, and you’ll feel more in control.”
Today, Maria is an image and identity coach with her own business, JARIVA.
She works with women to heal their relationship with spending and style.
“I still love clothes, but now I have a capsule wardrobe and colour palette.
“If something doesn’t fit with what I own, I don’t buy it. I’ve been out of the spiral for three years.
“I wish I could say my relationship with money has completely changed, but what’s changed is my ability to control it.”