FEELING tears sting the back of her eyes, Ellie Nor-Rajah knew the teacher might have strong opinions on what she had added to her daughter’s bag.
As a full-time mum-of-four she felt she was doing the best for her second youngest child, but she was feeling terrible shame.
Ellie Nor-Rajah’s daughter is starting school with a secret most mums would shame her for[/caption]
The thing, tucked into her daughter’s pink school backpack, that the teacher might find unacceptable next to her lunchbox and water bottle – was nappies.
Because just like one in four reception starters this week, her four-year-old is heading off to school wearing pull-ups.
Experts believe lockdown continues to have a devastating impact on the development of young children, with some going to school not toilet trained and others unable to master basic skills like using a fork.
“I’m not a lazy parent,” says Ellie, 33, from Camberwell, East London.
“Because of Covid, children this age missed out on support. My child sometimes has accidents. I won’t apologise for sending her to school in pull-ups to support her.
“I’m not asking the teachers to toilet train or change nappies. Telling parents ‘no nappies’ is shaming mums who want their children to feel confident.”
Children starting school this September were born during the lockdowns and tight Covid-19 restrictions between September 2020 and August 2021.
Baroness Anne Longfield is a peer in the House of Lords, former Children’s Commissioner and executive chair of the Centre for Young Lives.
She says lockdown still ‘casts a long shadow’ on our young people.
“Initially, what was obvious is that these children hadn’t been socialising,” she says.
“Fast-forward five years and as these children start school, it is obvious many have huge development delays.
“One headteacher told me a third of children going into his reception class were still in nappies.
“Other children are reliant on dummies which means speech and language is an ongoing issue and some children hadn’t even mastered basic skills like using a knife and fork or putting on their own shoes and coats.”
Baroness Longfield says it’s down to the reduced support for children during the pandemic.
“Health visitors stopped working with families,” she says.
“Parents were left to raise children without the usual support networks.
“It is having a huge impact on schools now as teachers have to invest so much time teaching children how to be independent.”
Ellie, a former retail worker, lives with IT manager husband Asan, 36, has four children aged 12, five, four and six months.
“My two girls aged four and five were born during the pandemic,” she says.
“When my five-year-old began school last year, she had to wear pull-ups. Lockdown and trying to cope with three children meant potty training took longer.
“She had accidents but after two months at school, confidently used the toilet.
Experts believe lockdown continues to have a devastating impact on the development of young children, with some going to school not toilet trained[/caption]
Ellie says: ‘The teacher did give me an unusual look when I said she was wearing pull-ups and I know she didn’t approve’[/caption]
“The teachers weren’t happy but I stood my ground, explaining it was a supportive precaution.
“The teacher spoke to me after class and said she was the only one wearing pull-ups. I later discovered she wasn’t. I was made to feel inadequate.
“My third child started school this week, for class she wears a pull-up and I put a couple in her bag.
“The teacher did give me an unusual look when I said she was wearing pull-ups and I know she didn’t approve. I’m saving teachers having to fuss with wet knickers and uniforms and giving me a bag of wet kit.”
While it might sound shocking that children starting school are not potty trained, a ‘school readiness’ survey by education charity Kindred Squared found 24 per cent of children are not toilet trained when they start primary school.
The teacher spoke to me after class and said she was the only one wearing pull-ups. I later discovered she wasn’t. I was made to feel inadequate.
Ellie
Teachers also said 35 per cent struggle to play or share with other children and 36 per cent don’t know how to listen or respond to a simple instruction.
Laura Reilly, 43, is an assistant head teacher at a primary school in Richmond, South West London, and founder of the family wellbeing company Little Tweaks.
She agrees lockdown has impacted children and says the ‘long-term fallout’ now demands urgent attention.
“Reception teachers are surprised by the level of support they’ve had to give around toilet training,” she says. “It’s an issue that has increased and it’s not something you would have seen in many neurotypical children pre-Covid.
Laura has also had discussions with senior leaders in primary education, and found children are also struggling with sharing, turn-taking and cooperation.
“These are the building blocks of relationships and learning but lockdown left too many of them behind,” she says.
“Forming friendships has become more difficult. Children are more lonely than they were before.
‘DAMAGE IS REAL’
“Emotional outbursts, anxiety and withdrawal are now far more common. More children than ever are overwhelmed yet the help they need is extremely difficult to access.
“Covid cut children off from the world. The damage is real and it has not yet been resolved.”
Laura recommends anyone with concerns regarding their child’s physical or mental health should speak to their GP.
Daniela Sponder, 38, who works in admin at a primary school, lives in Croydon, South London, with children Luca, five, and Alessia, three.
Like many Covid children, Luca is still having issues with his speech.
“My son is a Covid baby and part of a very unique generation”, recalls Daniela.
“At two Luca wasn’t talking, walking – even crawling. We knew something was off.”
Daniela Sponder says her son Luca, five, is still having issues with his speech[/caption]
Daniela raised the issue with Luca’s nursery but was told ‘boys are lazy, it will come’. Luca’s two-year review was delayed by six months, due to Covid.
When the review finally happened, he was referred to a paediatrician but that was another 18 week wait.
Daniela says: “He was then referred for speech and language therapy on the NHS, but that was another 20-week wait.
“By the time he got help, a whole year had gone by. Now three, he was still just babbling and could say less than five words clearly.”
“In September 2023, we moved Luca to a preschool, which was attached to a mainstream primary school.”
‘HUGE ISSUE’
Daniela says the staff quickly identified his speech delay and advised her to apply for an EHCP (Education Health Care Plan), a legally binding document for children who have special education needs.
As a result, Luca was awarded the maximum level of funding and a privately commissioned speech therapist.
Daniela says: “Covid has had a huge impact on him and really affected his development. There is still work to be done.
“The pandemic definitely exacerbated his additional needs due to the lack of support he got. He is completely different to his younger sister. She helps him not only with his speech, but in other ways such as confidence and doing crafts and practicing his fine motor skills.
“He can only put about six words in a sentence, among other struggles like he can’t hold a knife or spoon properly.
“The pandemic had such a huge issue on him now and five years later it’s still having an impact.”
Daniela says staff quickly identified his speech delay and advised her to apply for an EHCP (Education Health Care Plan)[/caption]
But not all parents blame Covid for developmental delays.
Charlotte Owen, 39, a writer, from Leeds, West Yorks, 38, is married to Alex, a civil servant, and has two children Harriet, two, and Seb, four, who was born during the pandemic.
She says: “Seb was born in lockdown and, although it was a very difficult time to have a baby, parents need to stop using it as a reason for children not being where they need to be developmentally when they go to school.
“Parents have to take responsibility for where their children are at. For me, the bigger difficulty is how hard the juggle is for parents these days with many working long hours without adequate childcare.
“There are also so many screens – TVs, phones, tablets – and they’re everywhere – nursery, school, nana and grandads, in every room of the house – that it feels impossible to avoid sticking your kids in front of one to get a break.
“There has been the occasional incidence when I have taken on extra work while my children are at home because it’s too expensive to put them in nursery for an extra day, stuck them in front of the TV while I work and put a nappy on them because they don’t remember to go to the toilet when they’re watching screens.
“I know it’s not ideal but it feels like I’m being pulled in a thousand different directions and my kids’ development sometimes gets put to the back.
“It is hard to be a parent these days and a lot of people are happy to admit this. But it’s not the fault of Covid – the buck always should, and does, stop with parents.”
Psychologist Emma Kenny says reception kids starting school this week will look like any other intake – but Covid has left its mark.
She says: “Teachers are welcoming children who are slower to speak or who struggle to follow group instructions.
“Some educators suggest these children are two years younger developmentally than expected.”
Emma says the first 1,000 days of life are crucial for a child’s brain development.
“In the lockdown years, opportunities for face to face communication were limited, facial expressions were often behind masks and children missed the peer to peer play that helps them learn to share, negotiate and resolve conflicts. Even physical development suffered, with fewer playground visits or group activities to build balance and coordination.”
Felicity Gillespie, director at Kindred Squared, a charitable foundation which aims to improve early years education, agrees school readiness is a huge issue – but says it’s time to stop blaming Covid.
“It certainly is the case that school readiness has gotten worse for some children,” she says.
“One in three are not able to dress themselves and one in four are not toilet trained. “They are turning up to school in nappies. But there is only so long you can blame Covid – a lot of it comes down to parenting.
“Teachers are frustrated as they are losing 2.5 hours of teaching time a day because of this stuff. Two adults may have to take a child out to change a nappy for safeguarding reasons so the rest of the class is abandoned.”
The pandemic had such a huge issue on him [Luca] now and five years later it’s still having an impact.
Daniela
Felicity says children are having to offer ‘tummy time’ in class to develop core strength as some kids are unable to sit up all day. They’re also having to do special exercises with children to develop the muscles in their hands as some are unable to grip a pencil. For some children, speech and language is an issue.
Clinical child psychologist Dr Melanie Smart has treated many children post-Covid and says some of the most common issues are difficulty sleeping, anxiety about going to school and OCD-type mental health conditions.
“We are still seeing a lot of children with germ, illness and vomit phobia and this is a direct result of the pandemic,” she says. “We’ve also seen higher levels of anxiety and children not wanting to go to school, lots of increases in not sleeping, the ‘Sunday night terrors’.”
Psychologist Emma says there is hope: “The question, as this September’s intake arrives in classrooms, is whether we will see these children for what they are, not a lost generation, but a group whose start in life was unusual, who need a little more attention, patience, and investment.
“With that, the answer to whether they can catch up is a resounding yes. Without it, we risk letting a once-in-a-century event shape their futures more than it has to.”