AN INTIMACY co-ordinator for the stage and screen has revealed the trick she uses to stop actors getting over excited during a take.
Ita O’Brien has worked on hundreds of films, plays and TV shows – including Sex Education, Magic Mike’s Last Dance and Normal People – and opened up about her role on the Fame Under Fire podcast.
Intimacy co-ordinator Ita O’Brien opened up about her job in a chat on the Fame Under Fire podcast[/caption]
Normal People, starring Daisy Edgar-Jones and Paul Mescal, is one of the projects Ita has worked on[/caption]
Anoushka Mutanda-Dougherty, who hosts the podcast, asked Ita how she deals with the situation if a male performer “gets an erection” while filming sex scenes.
To which Ita insisted that it’s “natural and normal”, adding: “Our physiology and our physiognomy is that if two people are moving together in a sexual manner that someone might become aroused.
“It’s just how the body responds!”
But she added that it’s “not suitable to have an erection in the workplace” – with the set or stage being the workplace in question.
If an actor does end up becoming aroused, there’s a trick they use to stop him in his tracks.
“What we do is we put in place a time out,” Ita explained.
“So we invite the cast to think of a word that they agree to together.
“It might be burgers, if someone’s desperate for a burger at the end of filming.
“It might be Wakanda, whatever it is.”
Anoushka then failed to hold her laughter back as she told Ita “I’m so sorry! What film have you been working on?”
“That was the actors, it wasn’t me,” Ita giggled.
“They chose not just the word but the action.”
She them demonstrated the Black Panther inspired move – with the arms forming a cross in front of the upper body.
People quickly commented on the podcast chat, which was shared on TikTok as a video too, with one writing: “As a female actress, that happens a lot with men.
“To some even while shooting simple kiss scenes, without using tongue.”
“We were at dinner theatre and the couple had a kissing scene and this noticeably happened,” another said.
Why are sex scenes so important?
By relationship expert Marina Lazaris
When it comes to intimacy, I don’t believe in letting TV or movies dictate what is sexy.
I don’t watch sex scenes to inform my sense of desire or passion – I go off a deeper, spiritual experience within.
For me, true intimacy is about connecting with your partner on a soul level, not mimicking what you see on screen.
I encourage couples to embark on their own personal journey of connection, rather than looking outside of themselves for what “sexy” should look like.
In Men Need Love Too, I emphasize that intimacy for men needs to be rooted in more than just physicality. It’s about the emotional and spiritual bond.
For me, true connection is when you’re completely lost in the moment, enjoying every lick, taste, and smell.
It’s those sensory experiences that draw you into a deeper, more fulfilling connection with your partner, beyond what any TV scene can portray.
Take Fifty Shades of Grey for example.
While many viewed it as an exploration of passion, I saw it as two emotionally damaged people trying to connect through purely physical means.
Real intimacy requires more: it’s about vulnerability, emotional depth, and a spiritual bond. That’s where the true spark comes from.
Rather than watching shows like Rivals or Bridgerton, I believe in creating authentic, real-life moments of intimacy.
Those moments, when you’re fully present with your partner, lost in the sensation of the experience, are what keep the passion alive.
By focusing inward and fostering that spiritual connection, couples can experience a type of intimacy that no TV scene can ever capture.
“They just carried on.”
But not everyone thought Ita’s “time out” trick was a good idea.
“What a horribly embarrassing ‘solution’,” one wrote.
“And a terrible environment to work in.
“Besides, an erection isn’t some unstoppable force; strap it down with some tape and there’s zero problem!”