WEARING nothing but silky stockings and a curvaceous corset, I nervously slipped through the ornate doors of a Georgian mansion.
Inside, masked couples dripping in designer perfume – and little else – sipped champagne as erotic dancers shimmied through the horny crowd.
The Sun’s Sexpert Georgie Culley has attended her share of raunchy events[/caption]
This week she helps a reader whose sex party experience didn’t go to plan[/caption]
The smell of sex – and desire – hung in the air as gold wedding bands glinted in the soft candlelight.
It was mine and my ex’s first time at a sex party and, rather naively, neither of us had discussed our boundaries beforehand.
So when other couples started to approach us, I suddenly panicked. Maybe I wasn’t ready for sharing after all?
My ex, on the other hand, was like the very hungry caterpillar – ready to shed his skin and tuck in.
Looking back he’d practically unbuckled his belt before we’d even stepped inside!
I was overwhelmed with jealousy and, needless to say, our night ended shortly afterwards – as did our relationship.
I was reminded of our frisky faux pas when I received an Ask a Sexpert letter from a reader whose first time at a sex party didn’t quite go to plan.
In my no-holds-barred sex series this week, I reveal everything you need to know about going to your first sex party…
Q. My wife and I have been together for six years. We’ve always fantasised about having a threesome and decided to go for it.
We finally plucked up the courage and connected with like-minded people on a threesome app.
They recommended a sex party in London which is good for beginners.
After our application to the sex party was accepted, we started to plan for the night. We set a safe-word to end play should one of us not be enjoying it.
But looking back, we hadn’t really discussed our boundaries and weren’t on the same page regarding who we wanted to rendezvous with.
I wanted a threesome with a hot blonde, whereas my wife wanted a hunky man.
Deep down I knew I wouldn’t like to see her getting it on with another bloke, but I wanted to keep her happy, so I reluctantly agreed.
But when she spotted a guy who looked like Jack Grealish – her dream guy – I knew I was done for.
As I watched them ripping one another’s clothes off, I could feel the green-eyed monster awaken within me.
As I watched them ripping their clothes off and getting it on, I could feel the green-eyed monster awaken within me
Sun reader
Not only was he good looking and gym-toned, but he was much bigger than me downstairs.
Panicking, I shouted our safe-word – ‘pineapple’ – several times but she either deliberately ignored me or was enjoying herself too much to stop.
Afterwards she told me it was just sex and she didn’t want a deeper relationship with him.
She also said I could choose a hot girl to get it on with if we went again.
But the truth is, I’m not sure I’m cut out for sharing after all. Do I try a sex party again, or call it a day?
Georgie says:
If you’re thinking of exploring ethical non-monogamy, then sex parties are a great way to start, says Georgie[/caption]
This is a very common dilemma for kinky couples who want to turn the menage a trois fantasy into a bedroom reality.
That’s because none of us really know how we are going to feel about sharing our partner with someone else until we are in that moment.
For some, it feels natural and they enjoy it straightaway, while others take a bit longer to get into the swing of it, as it were.
And of course, there are some couples who try it and hate it. For them, threesomes and orgies are best kept as a fantasy, tucked away in the dark corner of their mind.
None of us really know how we are going to feel about sharing our partner with someone else until we are in that moment
Georgie Culley
I don’t think you necessarily have to call it a day, but I do think you need to be honest with your partner and take things slowly.
It sounds like you were so keen to please her that you sacrificed your own happiness and rushed into things on the night.
Couples who partner swap use safewords for a reason. You need to find out – when things have calmed down – why she didn’t end play when you said it.
If you decide to give ethical non-monogamy another go, then sex parties are a great way to start.
They allow like-minded people to come together, forgive the pun, in a safe, non-judgemental environment – and give you room to work out what turns you on, and off.
That said, it’s essential you do your x-rated research to ensure everything goes alright on the night.
Signing up to kinky apps like Feeld and WAX will enable you to speak to people in the community who can give you lots of advice.
If you decide you want to go ahead, you need to set clear boundaries with your partner to make sure you’re both on the same page. Here are some pointers.
Set clear boundaries
Our recent Sun survey revealed 20 per cent of Sun readers have attended a sex party[/caption]
Whether you’re single or in a relationship, it’s important to know your limits, wants and needs before you go.
If you’re going as a couple, you need to have an honest conversation about what you like and don’t like.
You’re entering uncharted waters, so don’t dive straight in. Take things slowly, enjoy the journey, not just the destination.
Talk to other couples who are on the scene, explore the playrooms, get a feel for what you like and don’t like.
After the party, talk to one another honestly. Was it your vibe? Do you really want to share one another?
Whether you’re single or in a relationship, it’s important to know your limits, wants and needs before you go
Georgie Culley
Or do you just want to go and spectate or dance around in your lingerie in a safe space?
Both are fine by the way – there’s a huge misconception that you actually have to have sex at these types of events. You don’t and you’ll never be pressured to do so.
Think carefully about what turns you on and off and always be honest with your partner.
And remember, it’s okay to say no. Never do anything you don’t want to do.
Do lots of research
No two sex parties are the same. In fact, each one is tailored to different kinks, sexuality – and levels of experience.
This means parties like Killing Kittens (who have just celebrated their 20th birthday) are a good option for beginners.
Generally, they’re aimed at hetro-sexual couples and women who are bi-curious.
Whereas sexy soirees like Tequila Rose and Skirt Club are just for women. The only phallic shape I found inside Skirt Club was a woman wearing a unicorn headband!
The only phallic shape I found inside Skirt Club was a woman wearing a unicorn headband!
Georgie Culley, Sun Sexpert
Fetish nightclub Torture Gardens (TG) is aimed at kinkier revellers – who are interested in the fetish scene, BDSM, and attract a more alternative crowd.
While some KK parties will have a naughty dungeon for kinkier guests, it’s more of a vanilla vibe than some of the more hardcore playrooms at TG.
If you’re looking for a younger crowd, Dominium Vita is a good option. The London-based event attracts a trendy Made-In-Chelsea-esque crowd.
I attended a Halloween bash there a few years ago and met the real-life Christian Grey.
The men came suited and booted and the women looked like they’d just stepped off a Victoria Secret runway.
Remember, you can’t just rock up to a sex party. Most saucy events will require you to apply beforehand and be verified.
What’s more, most parties will not reveal the location until the eleventh hour and then they’ll give you a password to gain access at the door.
Read the T&Cs
Sun Sexpert Georgie Culley at a Killing Kittens Venetian Ball Sex Party in Venice[/caption]
If you’re a single male, you may need to find a female friend to couple up with as sex parties such as KK won’t let men go alone.
This is to stop it turning into a sausage-fest and avoid putting women at risk.
Other parties will charge single guys more to get in. Make sure you’ve done plenty of research to ensure you’ve chosen the right party which suits your sexuality, needs and wants.
Most tickets are over £100 for basic entry, so if you choose the wrong party, it’s an expensive mistake.
Dress to impress
Generally there are strict dress codes for sex parties – this is to ensure everyone turns up looking the part and feeling confident and sexy.
If you’re a female, parties like KK, DV and Tequila Rose will expect you to come in a sexy LBD (little black dress) and a Venetian-style mask.
Make sure you’re wearing nice lingerie underneath as most guests shed their masks, clothes and inhibitions – after a few drinks.
If you’re a guy, you’ll be expected to come suited and booted beneath your horny mask. No tatty old Y-fronts, please!
Make sure you’re wearing nice lingerie as most guests shed their masks, clothes and inhibitions – after a few drinks
Georgie Culley, Sun Sexpert
Other saucy soirees like Skirt Club have a racy rule that you must wear stockings and suspenders.
I have to say, Skirt Club is one of the sexiest female-only parties I’ve attended and a lot of this is down to their strict dress code.
When it comes to the fet scene, Torture Garden is notorious for turning people away at the door if they’re not dressed appropriately.
I remember the first time I went I was literally sweating as a burly bouncer slowly looked me up and down, before eventually nodding me through.
I saw several people turned away that night and they were not reimbursed for their expensive ticket.
They were actually told to go to the pricey sex shops in Soho and find something more suitable to wear.
They’re keen on a bondage vibe but they HATE cheesy roleplay outfits or anything naff-looking.
So, once you’ve chosen your sex party, make sure you read their dress code to avoid disappointment on the night.
Scrub up
This may sound obvious but make sure you smell and taste divine. Have a good scrub before you go and douse yourself in an alluring perfume.
Smelling good is actually one of the biggest aphrodisiacs. There’s a biological link between scent and desire, research shows.
This is because it boosts confidence and increases arousal in both men and women.
Fragrances with ingredients like vanilla and jasmine are a real turn on for men whereas women go weak at the knees for men wearing fragrances with musky or woody hues.
And while we are on the topic of hygiene, death breath is an instant turn off.
Pack some mints – not only will you taste great but they stimulate saliva production, which is essential if you’re planning on doing a lot of kissing…!
Follow the rules
Credible sex parties have strict rules and you need to abide by them to avoid being thrown out.
Firstly, every sex party I’ve attended has been extremely private.
This means no phones can be used at all inside.
When I attended Skirt Club they confiscated my phone – and handbag – at the door.
I’ve seen guests thrown out and banned for life for secretly trying to video orgies inside
Georgie Culley
At KK and DV they put a heavy-duty sticker over the camera, which was a nightmare to get off the following day.
I’ve seen guests thrown out and banned for life for secretly trying to record orgies inside.
Some x-rated events will even ask you to sign a non-disclosure agreement upon arrival. This is because celebs and politicians attend hush-hush high-end ones and they don’t want you blabbing.
Also, a lot of saucy soirees want women in the driving seat – this means men are not allowed to approach them first.
This is the number one rule at KK – any man who approaches a woman he doesn’t know for sex will be thrown out.
Drink sensibly
A lot of us use booze as an emotional lubricant to boost confidence and make us feel sexy and uninhibited.
While I love a few drinks for Dutch courage, too much booze can actually ruin your chances of orgasm, by slowing down your blood flow down below.
What’s more, you don’t want to put yourself in a position where you haven’t consented or can’t remember as you were blackout.
Most credible parties will have security discreetly roaming the playrooms to make sure no one is totally off their face.
But try to limit your drinks on the night and make sure you’ve eaten and are hydrated before you go.
After all, there’s nothing sexy about being sloppy.
Practise safe sex
Every sex party I’ve ever attended has had bowls of free lube, condoms and baby oil in every room. So there’s really no excuse for not practising safe sex.
If you’re at a sex party and making out with a lot of people, chances are they are, too.
Don’t put yourself – and others – at risk. Make sure you’re regularly checked and always use condoms – to avoid unwanted pregnancies and STDs.
The main reception area at a Killing Kittens party in Venice where masked guests mingled and erotic performances unfolded[/caption]