DEAR DEIDRE: My yoga teacher got me into positions I didn’t even know were possible and now we’re enjoying hot and sweaty one-on-one sessions.
The only problem is – I don’t think I’m his only ‘special client’ and I suspect I’ve contracted something nasty from him.
At first I found him the most intense and attractive man I’d ever met.
Our private sessions have spilled over on the yoga mat and he’s taught me some moves that definitely aren’t strictly professional.
During my first private session with him, I was left wondering if the way he was pressing down on my lower back felt more intimate than normal.
After all, he seemed to linger there much longer than in our group sessions.
I’m not one to have sex with men until I’ve got to know them really well but I couldn’t resist this man.
I’m 35 and single and he’s a couple of years older than me.
By the second private lesson there was no doubt in my mind that he was making a move on me.
Yoga is all about controlled breathing but mine was all over the place as he took off his top to show me the ideal body posture.
Without saying a word he went over to the studio door and bolted it shut, before returning to undress me.
We spent the rest of the session exploring each other’s bodies and I had the most intense orgasm of my life.
Since then we’ve had sex in the studio a number of times and we’ve spent the night at each other’s homes.
We haven’t discussed our relationship and I was very happy to keep this a fling.
But last week I developed an uncontrollable itch down below and it’s become really tender.
I’m seriously worried he’s given me something nasty especially as I have good reason to suspect I’m only one of his many clients who are enjoying his extra attention.
Last week I arrived for my private session 20 minutes early and saw the woman before me leaving with a certain glow that could only have been post orgasmic.
When I caught her eye she gave me a loaded look and was behaving like the cat that got the cream.
Then a couple of men in our early morning group session were making loaded comments about my teacher exhausting himself by taking on too much ‘overtime’.
I pretended not to hear them and they proceeded to whisper and nudge each other looking over at my direction.
I heard them mention my name and two other women who are taught by him.
It was humiliating. It’s not even that I want a relationship with him but I am also very private and I can’t stand the sense that everyone knows my business.
I would never have slept with him had I known what a player he is.
How do I broach this with him? I love my yoga and don’t want to lose this important part of my life but at the same time, I feel really let down by him.
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DEIDRE SAYS: There is so much to unpack here but before we get into any of that it’s essential that you book an appointment with your nearest sexual health clinic through nhs.uk.
Your sexual health is important so please don’t delay. The staff at the clinic will be able to guide you through your next best steps.
Of course, practising safe sex is always the best way to protect yourself, especially if you are unsure about your relationship status.
You were happy to keep your relationship as a fling, but if you are looking for something that is exclusive, that is a conversation you need to have with this teacher.
You’ve had sex with this man several times and he’s stayed the night at your home, so it’s completely natural to have a discussion about how he sees your relationship and to ask if he’s seeing other women.
Plenty of women don’t ask these burning questions because they don’t want to come across as needy but avoiding these key discussions breeds far more insecurity.
People have such different expectations from dating that it’s important to set out your own boundaries to avoid confusion and someone getting hurt. This is not needy!
Have a talk with him and if he confirms your suspicions, you can calmly let him know that you don’t want to be one of his many. This is your opportunity to reassert yourself.
In terms of feeling upset that people are talking about you, if you are adamant you want to stay at this yoga group, hold your head up high, ignore them and know their interest will wane in time.
Of course there would be no harm in trying a different group.
My support pack Standing Up For Yourself will help with any tricky conversations.
Dear Deidre’s STI Stories
From unexpected diagnoses to the fear of transmission, STIs are a recurring theme in Deidre’s inbox.
One man, after a one-night stand, developed symptoms and is now grappling with the reality of his previous STI diagnosis and the complexities of informing a new partner.
Another reader, following a wild holiday fling, is terrified that she may have contracted an STI, leading to anxiety and uncertainty about her health.
In a separate case, a man, despite using protection, is concerned about potential STI after engaging in unprotected oral sex with a woman he met at a nightclub.
STIs: WHAT TO WATCH FOR
Sexually transmitted infections (STIs/STDs) often show few symptoms, but there are some common warning signs:
- Unusual discharge – changes in colour, texture, or smell from the penis, vagina, or anus.
- Pain or burning – discomfort during urination, sex, or in the pelvic/anal area.
- Sores, bumps, or rashes – unexpected lesions, blisters, or redness around the genitals, mouth, or anus.
- Itching or irritation – persistent discomfort or swelling in intimate areas.
- Flu-like symptoms – fever, body aches, or swollen glands can appear with infections like HIV, syphilis, or hepatitis.
- Bleeding – unexpected bleeding between periods, after sex, or from the rectum.
- Persistent fatigue – unexplained tiredness may indicate an infection affecting overall health.
Many STIs show no obvious symptoms. Regular testing is the only reliable way to know, especially after new or multiple sexual partners.
Early detection makes treatment more effective and reduces the risk of passing infections on.
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Sally Land is the Dear Deidre Agony Aunt. She achieved a distinction in the Certificate in Humanistic Integrative Counselling, has specialised in relationships and parenting. She has over 20 years of writing and editing women’s issues and general features.
Passionate about helping people find a way through their challenges, Sally is also a trustee for the charity Family Lives. Her team helps up to 90 people every week.
Sally took over as The Sun’s Agony Aunt when Deidre Sanders retired from the The Dear Deidre column four years ago.
The Dear Deidre Team Of Therapists Also Includes:
Kate Taylor: a sex and dating writer who is also training to be a counsellor. Kate is an advisor for dating website OurTime and is the author of five self-help books.
Jane Allton: a stalwart of the Dear Deidre for over 20 years. Jane is a trained therapist, who specialises in family issues. She has completed the Basic Counselling Skills Level 1, 2, and 3. She also achieved the Counselling and Psychotherapy (CPCAB) Level 2 Certificate in Counselling Studies.
Catherine Thomas: with over two decades worth of experience Catherine has also trained as a therapist, with the same credentials as Jane. She specialises in consumer and relationship issues.
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