A MUM adopted the “FAFO” (F*** Around and Find Out) parenting style after “gentle parenting” saw her kids “run all over” her.
Carla Dillion, 45, from Richmond, Virginia, says today’s children need clear boundaries and consistent consequences to develop into responsible adults.
Carla Dillion adopts the ‘FAFO’ (F*** Around and Find Out) parenting style[/caption]
She’s become a firm believer in the “FAFO” style – a trend where parents allow children to experience the natural consequences of their actions, rather than intervening.
The program analyst lets her kids – son, 13, from a previous marriage, and daughter, seven, with her now-partner of 11 years – learn from their mistakes and the outcomes of their choices.
While critics call her harsh, Carla says she doesn’t lack empathy. And after every punishment, she talks with her kids, reinforces love, and prepares them for real-world accountability.
“I have feral children,” Carla said. “They’re very livewired, rambunctious, and have their spirits and minds.
“They’re not afraid to voice their opinions.
“I’ve tried gentle parenting, but my kids ran all over me.
“I gave an inch, they took a mile. That’s not instilling values, morals, and respect.”
Dillon practices “FAFO” parenting by letting her kids face natural consequences.
When her 13-year-old son ignored warnings about using his phone while biking and had a minor accident, she didn’t replace the broken phone.
She warned him, saying: “I told you not to do that. If you break your phone after I tell you not to do that, you’re not getting a new phone.”
In another instance, after he squirted her with a water gun despite being warned – so she tossed him into a shallow pond.
She also applies this method to school behaviour, refusing to intervene over detentions or suspensions.
“If they did the crime, they do the time,” she said, believing it prepares them for real-world accountability.
Carla’s parenting philosophy stems from her upbringing by her father, who she describes as having an “old-fashioned, Gen X style” of parenting.
Though she sometimes questioned his methods as a child, she now appreciates the lessons about respect, self-sufficiency, and understanding cause and effect.
Carla insists her kids are ‘feral’[/caption]
While critics call her harsh, Carla says she doesn’t lack empathy[/caption]
“With my son, who’s officially a teenager now, I have to say, ‘Okay, you made the mistake. I tried to tell you, you didn’t want to listen, but I let you make the mistake. Now there are consequences for it,’” she said.
Critics often misinterpret her approach as lacking empathy or being too harsh, particularly in public.
Carla recounts scenarios where strangers judged her parenting when correcting her children’s behaviour in stores or removing them from situations when they’re having tantrums.
“Some people see that type of parenting as not being empathetic, and that’s not it at all,” she said.
“There’s a lot of empathy involved because you love your child and want them to grow up to be good, decent humans.”
Carla says consistency is crucial.
If they did the crime, they do the time
Carla Dillion
“If I say I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it,” she said. “I teach them to be a person of their word.
“They can’t grow up thinking they’ll constantly get threatened with consequences and never actually receive them.”
While Carla acknowledges having spanked her children in the past, she says it’s been “a very long time” since she used physical discipline.
“I don’t like doing it,” she said. It hurts me.”
What distinguishes Carla’s approach from purely punitive parenting is her commitment to emotional connection following discipline, she says.
“Every single time I punish my kids in any way, whether it’s grounding or a timeout or something more serious, there’s always a conversation afterwards about why they got in trouble,” she said.
“They’ll talk to me about how they feel, and we hug literally every time. I tell them that I love them, and then everybody goes back to normal.”
For Carla, the ultimate goal is raising children who can navigate the world independently while respecting others and themselves.
“It’s always a balance of making sure that you’re still enforcing boundaries, but also remembering they’re still kids who need to know that this is what’s best for them,” she said.
“As their parent, you have to make sure that they learn.”
Different parenting styles explained
There are four recognised styles of parenting explained below:
Authoritarian Parenting
What some might describe as “regimental” or “strict” parenting.
Parents with this style focus on strict rules, obedience, and discipline.
Authoritarian parents take over the decision-making power, rarely giving children any input in the matter.
When it comes to rules, you believe it’s “my way or the highway”.
Permissive Parenting
Often referred to as “soft parenting” or “yes mums/dads”.
Permissive parents are lenient, only stepping in when there’s a serious problem.
They’re quite forgiving and they adopt an attitude of “kids will be kids”.
Oftentimes they act more like friends than authoritative figures.
Authoritative Parenting
Authoritative parents provide their children with rules and boundaries, but they also give them the freedom to make decisions.
With an authoritative parenting style, parents validate their children’s feelings while also making it clear that the adults are ultimately in charge.
They use positive reinforcement techniques, like praise and reward systems, as opposed to harsh punishments.
Neglectful or Uninvolved Parenting
Essentially, neglectful parents ignore their children, who receive little guidance, nurturing, and parental attention.
They don’t set rules or expectations, and they tend to have minimal knowledge about what their children are doing.
Uninvolved parents expect children to raise themselves. They don’t devote much time or energy to meeting children’s basic needs.
Uninvolved parents may be neglectful but it’s not always intentional.
A parent with mental health issues or substance abuse problems, for example, may not be able to care for a child’s physical or emotional needs consistently.